penwalla

here we meet jack barlowe, who is generically evil in the most hamhanded way
again, why the fuck is this highly regimented military division so murdery? that seems counterproductive both in terms of instilling the discipline needed for a military force to operate and in terms of pure pragmatism. you're killing young and healthy people who have volunteered to fight? when you're at war? what?
violet reciting the history of the nation while walking is the clumsiest exposition i have ever seen in my life
also the least effective. bro the readers are retaining none of this. it's so boring. you are undercutting the tension of the scene by 100%
sure violet's ball-stabbing maneuver is badass ...i guess... but like. again, jack should just be disqualified for throwing his fellow riders off the paraquet. the guy who just murders his teammates is the weak link! you can't rely on him in a combat situation!
all right ch. 3. enter the love interest (lmao we know he's a decoy. the useless leg of the love triangle)
slightly less clumsy worldbuilding here
oh so violet has EDS? some kind of connective tissue disorder? it's not really clear what constellation of symptoms she has, and it's not really in my scope of practice, so i haven't tried to make a diagnosis
again, it is insane that this world does not have a way fro people to apply for medical exemptions from military service. if violet physically isn't capable, she should be able to have a doctor sign off on that so she can go to the scribe quadrant. the gov't should WANT this it's more efficient for them if they have a surplus of riders to dragons!
for that matter, it is insane that violet's mom could steamroll her into becoming a rider. like yes nepotism is a huge issue irl so i'm willing to say it's realistic, but also it seems wild to me that if dragons are scarce and riders are not, they still allow suboptimal candidates (the sons of notorious traitors, etc) to even try.
like if violet's connections can't get her out of all the murdery parts of the trial, then her mom's influence...is just keeping her from applying somewhere else? but HOW?
it'd be different if violet wanted to be a rider despite being unfit and her mom strongarmed her a way in, but then she had to prove herself. like that would make way more sense and line up with real world nepotism.
"I pay attention but only enough to recall details if we need to form an alliance" so...you're just paying attention, fullstop.
"We're going to have to bring in the masons again," Dain mutters as chunks of rock crumble under the dragons' grips, crashing to the courtyard in boulders the size of my torso.
Kinda feels like y'all should have solved this problem and come up with some dragon-proof perches. LMAO
why is violet having to explain the military structure to rhiannon? everyone whose been studying to be a rider should already know this!
ch. 4. dain speaking in a way no human has ever spoken in order to infodump about magic to the reader. this is such a weird way of doing it. you are at a magical school right now! at least do the typical hack thing and throw it into a class or something
xylon or whatever his name is...he sure is a big hot evil guy. again, i would be more threatened by him if i wasn't busy boggled by the fact they put the son of a known traitor, who has an obvious and well-known grudge, in a leadership position. WHY
i hope rhiannon will have more to do than just facilitate whatever violet is doing at the time