Onyx Storm: Chapter 16
Mar. 5th, 2025 09:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
penwallaViolet and Xaden are on the mat together. They've been doing an extremely bad job of acting like they don't want to fuck for the past chapter, so Xaden does the audience the favor of blacking out the entire fighting space so no one can see them. This also means that Violet can't see him, and is forced to use her powers to light her way. They could have a fight where Violet actually demonstrates all her supposed ability, but instead this is just them being horny for each other for a bit in private and then class is over.
At the end of this scene:
And like...okay, then take the class seriously and actually have a fight with her, instead of kissing her neck and telling her how hot she is. A chapter or two ago Xaden was terrified of touching her lest he lose control, but now it's not convenient for Yarros, so we've dropped that plot point.
Scene change.
Violet's at the bar with Sawyer and the rest of her squad. They're all still talking about how hot and powerful Xaden is. Violet pauses to be glad at how Sawyer being there makes her feel better. Have yet to see a single character think about how Sawyer must feel, being down a leg and having his entire future in flux. No, it's all about Violet getting to feel like everything is okay. You know, if this bar trip is about Sawyer, maybe we don't need to spend two pages of characters verbally sucking Xaden's dick and telling Violet how amazing it is that she isn't scared of Xaden. Maybe. MAYBE.
We then get a conversation where every character explains which gods they prefer and why. This sounds like they're talking about their Buzzfeed quiz results or their star signs--no, I take that back, people who are into astrology care way more about it than these guys do. Like, the religion in these books feels so fake that it's jarring when Yarros brings it up. It's not incorporated into the story in any meaningful way. Even the stuff with possessions being burned--everyone's shit is always conveniently not burned when our heroes need it.
Dain shows up to tell Violet he can retrieve her mom and dad's stuff, but he can't sneak her in with him, so either she trusts him or she doesn't. Didn't Dain come to the fucking rebellion with them last book? Why wouldn't she trust him? She agrees, and the chapter's over with a dramatic line about her fate being in Dain's hands.
Hey, again, what reason is there to not trust Dain here? Yarros? ANYONE?
God, this book wastes so much of our time. We don't even need this scene. It would make for much more engaging writing if we'd spent this chapter with Violet and co. trying to convince Sawyer back into riding, or at least talking to him instead of about Xaden. Dain could have had this conversation with Violet in the hallway outside Aetos's quarters, to give it some actual tension and stakes. Yarros could set up actual reasons for conflicts instead of retconning Dain's loyalty whenever needed.
See y'all next time.
At the end of this scene:
“Why only me?” I repeat, more than aware of the other cadets staring as I find my balance, studying me as if hoping to discover a mark, since Xaden walked away unscathed. “Xaden!”
He doesn’t so much as pause his ascent. “Because you’re the only one capable of killing me.”
And like...okay, then take the class seriously and actually have a fight with her, instead of kissing her neck and telling her how hot she is. A chapter or two ago Xaden was terrified of touching her lest he lose control, but now it's not convenient for Yarros, so we've dropped that plot point.
Scene change.
Violet's at the bar with Sawyer and the rest of her squad. They're all still talking about how hot and powerful Xaden is. Violet pauses to be glad at how Sawyer being there makes her feel better. Have yet to see a single character think about how Sawyer must feel, being down a leg and having his entire future in flux. No, it's all about Violet getting to feel like everything is okay. You know, if this bar trip is about Sawyer, maybe we don't need to spend two pages of characters verbally sucking Xaden's dick and telling Violet how amazing it is that she isn't scared of Xaden. Maybe. MAYBE.
We then get a conversation where every character explains which gods they prefer and why. This sounds like they're talking about their Buzzfeed quiz results or their star signs--no, I take that back, people who are into astrology care way more about it than these guys do. Like, the religion in these books feels so fake that it's jarring when Yarros brings it up. It's not incorporated into the story in any meaningful way. Even the stuff with possessions being burned--everyone's shit is always conveniently not burned when our heroes need it.
Dain shows up to tell Violet he can retrieve her mom and dad's stuff, but he can't sneak her in with him, so either she trusts him or she doesn't. Didn't Dain come to the fucking rebellion with them last book? Why wouldn't she trust him? She agrees, and the chapter's over with a dramatic line about her fate being in Dain's hands.
Hey, again, what reason is there to not trust Dain here? Yarros? ANYONE?
God, this book wastes so much of our time. We don't even need this scene. It would make for much more engaging writing if we'd spent this chapter with Violet and co. trying to convince Sawyer back into riding, or at least talking to him instead of about Xaden. Dain could have had this conversation with Violet in the hallway outside Aetos's quarters, to give it some actual tension and stakes. Yarros could set up actual reasons for conflicts instead of retconning Dain's loyalty whenever needed.
See y'all next time.
